And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
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She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
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If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize