He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
