he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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