So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
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You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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