How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
