No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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