my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
