she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
