The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
