I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
