I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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