He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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