when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
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Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
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A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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