I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
