the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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