haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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