I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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