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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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