I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
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No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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