in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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