I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So much Jack, so little girl.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
