Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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