how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
