I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
