dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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