i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
