I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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