I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
