I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
