you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
