good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
