I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You are the jesus of drinking
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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