It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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