My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
