Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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