Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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