i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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