just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
