don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
