I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
