sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize