Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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