If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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