Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
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He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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