singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You pole danced in your parka.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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