its not stalking. its research.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
