i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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