Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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