My hand turned me down
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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