let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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