i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
