I hate all girls vehemently.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
