I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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