yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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