You're so nebulous sometimes
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
