Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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