You just made me feel so damn special
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
