Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
