How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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