We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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