Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
