I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
