Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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