What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
