OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
