i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
And then he peed in my hair
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