If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize