I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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