I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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