Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
