Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
