what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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