u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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