I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
