She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
